Letter to Kentucky

Hi Tommy and Carolyn,

Jean and I met with my mother this week to decide our itinerary toward reaching the magical land of Florida to her winter residence in Rockledge, Florida.

Our first discussion addressed the question, “Is it still there  -- Florida and her residence?”

Some of her fellow campers are already there.  Hurricane Irma destroyed the office and their recreation hall according to people already there.  The office, where people pay rent and get their mail, is sort of mobile so it keeps people guessing where it will be one day to the next.  I guess they are doing that to keep the residents’ minds in shape.  As far as my mother’s place, she lost a few shingles and her air conditioning/heating system.  The A/C, heat was replaced this week and so she now has some place to call home.  You can infer because her buddies are down there, Florida still exists.

The next discussion involved the time we should cross the Kentucky state line. 

We decided we would leave the State of Wisconsin on Thursday, October 26 and drive straight through.  The problem occurred during our discussions defining the phrase “straight through”.  We decided no one’s plumbing system can hold out in a car for eight hours and so the “straight through” probably means more than the 8 hours Google Maps proclaims as the time to drive to Kentucky.  Because of this uncertainty of arrival time, we decided to reserve a space in the Best Western in Lawrenceberg.  My mother reminded us about our status in Milwaukee and she wanted the status to be more certain than the Patterson status in Milwaukee.  Right now, with Marian and Drew we have no idea whether we are welcome within the city limits as far as the Patterson family is concerned.  With that concern in mind, she did not want to chance you two meeting us at the state line and telling us to go back north.  We booked the room in Lawrenceburg until Saturday, October 28^th.  We will then move onto the next destination from there.  We hope to spend most of Friday, October 27^th with you – assuming you don’t meet us at the Kentucky state line and tell us to go to West Virginia.

Our next stop on that Saturday may be Chattanooga, Tennessee where Brett, one of my mother’s grandchildren, resides. After Chattanooga, the next destination is Valdosta, Florida where we will rent a room at the Hampton Inn and Suites for the night.  October 29^th is the last push to Rockledge.  We can take a leisurely push to Rockledge on that Sunday because the Green Bay Packers have a bye that week and the people at the campground will not be sitting at her doorstep waiting for the beginnings of her Packer party.

Jean and I need to discuss the route we will take to return to Wisconsin. We will assume that if we are not met at the Kentucky state line going down that we can drive back through Kentucky, assuming Google Maps lets us go that way, without any concern from the Kentucky Pattersons.

Let me know if you have any trouble with this itinerary.  We still have time to adjust our timetable so we can take my dad’s favorite route by going through Michigan.

Thanks.

Ralph

Woodmans

Woodmans

Woodmans is a large grocery store which has several locations. Our Woodmans is located on the southwest side of Madison.  Woodmans is a grocery store where you will find a number of state employees shopping for food.  In the Madison grocery store ranks, Woodmans fits into the budget of most state employees.

Before retirement, my wife had me tag along while she occasionally shopped after I returned from work.  Now at retirement, I am allowed to accompany her during the day for these shopping adventures.

Shopping at Woodmans is an experience each time you shop at Woodmans.  There are two types of people that shop at Woodmans -- those that know what they are doing and those that do not.  The clueless people walk around not knowing where anything is located and are in danger of being trampled by people who do.

My wife knows what she is doing at Woodmans.  She compiles a shopping list each week and then organizes the items on her list by the grocery aisle which houses each item.  Milk is never the first item on her list.  The first item is always bread or a bread product.  She has shopped Woodmans so much she automatically knows which aisle the product is located in.  She gets incensed when Woodmans changes the aisle locations or she makes a mistake, misses an item, and then causes her to retrace her steps to corral the missing box of cereal, can of tomatoes, etc.

Me, on the other hand, are one of the those that do not know what they are doing.  My role is to push the shopping cart and try to keep up with my wife in sight.   It is work to keep up because she  tries to limit the amount of time in the store as much as possible and the outlay of the store is better when you are on foot rather than pushing a shopping cart.

Trailing her with the shopping cart is not easy.   The first obstacle is the produce section.  Woodmans has a lot of produce but not much area to maneuver.  Each time I approach the produce section with the shopping cart I shudder.  I know I will fall far behind my wife if anyone is talking with an acquaintance, the friendly Woodmans people are restocking, or if someone dumps produce on the floor.  All of these potential roadblocks occur and when they occur simultaneously waiting on the Madison Beltline in a traffic jam is preferable than trying to sort out the mess in the produce area.

If you survive the produce area then there are other hurtles to overcome.  People love to park their shopping carts in the middle of the food aisle.  By doing that they ensure shoppers from either direction cannot pass. These people stand to the side of their shopping cart scratching their heads, discussing what can is needed while talking to their spouse on their cellphone, or yelling at their kid strapped into the shopping cart which decided to cry because the kid had an audience   The shoppers from either side try to be polite by clearing their throats, talking loud, smiling, or trying to move the impeding shopping cart out of the way.  Sometimes the delayed shopper's gambits work and sometimes they don't.  As for my experience, the delayed shopper strategies never work and so I am constantly trying to either find my wife because she is now in a different aisle or sprinting after her trying to keep up.

Woodmans also has a silent obstacle.  Woodmans has a cadre of electric shopping carts.  From my observation most of the people driving these silent killers do not need them.  They should walk like everyone else.  But I must admit an electric shopping cart looks like a lot more fun than pushing a manual cart.  The challenge for us manual cart people is you never know when an 89 year old grandmother will whiz past you on her electric shopping cart.  Getting passed in an aisle by an electric shopping cart is a sobering and humiliating experience.

If you get past the milk, ice cream, and pop aisles in Woodmans then you are close to Nirvana, the checkout lines.  There is a strategy to getting through the checkout lines.  You must conduct reconnaissance on  each checkout line and assess the checker and the bagger. If either of these two people are slow in what they do, you move to the next line.  I also discovered another Woodmans' rule.  The shortest checkout line may be longest checkout line because the machinery will break down or the person before you forgot something in the back of the store that they need to get before checking out.   This rule is the equivalent of the laws of gravity because it is always true.

I learned a lot while experiencing the Woodmans' experience during the daytime.  One of these days my wife said I may be allowed to go solo.  I am not looking forward to that day.  However, if that day occurs then I know the Woodmans' Liquor Store is the next store in the shopping center.  I will then plan to visit that store for liquid assistance before I try to get past the produce section in the main store.